is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
