What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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