quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
