How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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