It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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