How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
