In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
