We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
