she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
