I am puke
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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