Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
