genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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