So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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