hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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