I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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