Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
