Nicole vs. Life
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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