This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
