i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
