How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
