In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
