My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize