Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
