his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize