Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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