idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
