That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
