hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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