This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
