My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize