Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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