I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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