just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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