Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
