Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
