I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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