oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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