Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
