I never want to see another naked old woman again.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
