ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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