i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize