What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
