Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
