Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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