no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize