omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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