Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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