Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
