Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
