a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
