This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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