I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
