First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
