Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
