..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize