I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
