I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize