He is such a slut. More and more my type.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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