nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
