I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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