oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
