I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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