he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
