how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
