I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
