the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
