I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Im part way to drunk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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