The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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