I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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