one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
