I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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