You're completely useless in the revolution.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
