Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
